He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
