I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
