i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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