I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
