I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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