Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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