what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
This is the high leading the old right now
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
