Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
