when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
