you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
