Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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