I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We left an ass print on the piano.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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