so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
