i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
