I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
