I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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