I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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