I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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