she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
