You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize