i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
