There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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