A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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