4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
