How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
