I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
lets start a swedish sibling band together
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
