My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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