All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
