my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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