why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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