woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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