I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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