i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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