May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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