The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
