just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
