You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
