I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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