Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
