??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
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