While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize