Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
