Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
