im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
