Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
