You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
3pm strippers are depressing
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
