Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
