I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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