We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
zippers are such a cool invention
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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