guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
