How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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