ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
