wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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