he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
