if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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