My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
