you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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