I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my sisters under your porch take her home
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
