the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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