apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
