Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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