Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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