There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
