I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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