At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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