After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
