I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My feet surprised me
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