We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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