I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
