im gay
i know
yea but for you.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
