Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
