There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
