I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
