She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
